The Scribbler

I pick up a pen to write something and end up looking at the infinity on the wall. Words, so powerful that they can change the world, still can’t find a line that could describe how I feel. Yet again, I take my bag and travel to places that are out of my comfort zone. I don’t know what am I looking for but that makes me happy, I feel alive so I do it. My dreams are those colors that only I know about or maybe I don’t. Still will keep up the act of looking for something I have lost and maybe someday I’ll find it. I bumped into people who are a part like me, a lot like me. They all have dreams, I just know it. Dreams are not always crazy, some want to see their children grow, maybe they want to have a daughter or maybe they just want to buy a house. But for now, they are quite happy with the dream of having that one day. They say that the dumbest guy would the one who keeps doing the same thing and expects something new to happen. I have been dumb for quite long enough, now...

I am afraid just so afraid to try I am afraid that I might just fail I am afraid that I expect too much I am afraid that people trust me I am afraid that it might not be real Yes, I have heard those legends I have read those stories too They say that it’s all worth the pain They say that doers never fail They told me to believe They told me to prepare They asked me to adapt They know I’ll improvise Then why am I so afraid ? What if I fall down? What if they laugh at me? What everything cracks down like a mirror? What if I can’t get up? Let’s just say I am not good enough Let’s just say I gave up

Guy in black: What is it with you girls and such big handbags which you can’t even handle? Girl in red: Just the same, as it is with you guys and big alcohol glasses that you can’t even handle. Guy in black: Sweetheart, you are a live electric wire with counter attacks. Girl in red:  ;) 

‘Hypothetically, if the only choice you've got is to do the wrong thing, then it's not really the *wrong* thing, is it? It's more like fate.’ ‘Vlad, it’s never that easy.’ ‘Of course, we agree to disagree.’ No matter, what choices you make what things you do and what rewards you want, everything is written, decided and destined to happen. This is what I understand of fate. Although I don’t personally believe in it (or maybe I do sometimes), fate is really an important part of our lives. It affects how people think, see and perceive situations. I guess luck can be a factor, you are lucky sometimes but isn’t fate a totally absurd term? They say god has a book and he/she has written everything in advance (I have nothing against gods) or some polite ones will say that the journeys are not written only the destinations are. How philosophical is that? Interestingly, almost all religions support that. The bad thing is that even Shakespeare has su...

Guy in black: Isn’t sadism infused in human psychology? Girl in red: And I guess pessimism is infused in men’s psychology. Guy in black: I doubt a sailing Titanic would have performed better than a submerged one.

Guy in Black:  It’s impossible to understand and deal with girls. Friend 1: Another argument with her? GB:  Yes another argument and I don’t know what, where and why. It was like a paper of mathematics on a day when I had prepared for chemistry. It was like I was writing the answers with a broken ballpoint tip. No matter, how hard I tried to make my point, all it created was mess. The more I emphasized on the point, the more blue spots were on my answer sheet. Friend 1:  So that’s it? GB:  Plus there was negative marking for untidiness which I will come to know in days to come. Friend 1:  Okay that explains the level of toughness. GB:  I think it does and now I am worried that I’ll have to apologize to the teacher with a concrete explanation.

Einstein said that time is relative but I never quite understood the fact. No wonder, I have always been pathetic with numbers. Never understood time, algebra, money, costs, accounting and the list goes on. But traveling always seems some kind of time travel to me. Flashes of past keep hovering around. At times, things seem as they have never happened. May be that was a different life, a different time. Sometimes, I need to open my phone’s gallery to actually prove to my conscious brain about a certain event. However, traveling is something else. When I travel alone, looking aimlessly into the nothingness out of the window, I am usually thinking about many things together, get mixed emotions and start missing everyone I know. Is that a normal thing? I think I have left my parts at places and with people. And after losing that part, I have tried to rebuild myself. Obviously, the new me is never the same. Traveling, once again, proves that to me. It’s like a slideshow of life playi...

6 th  November 2006 It’s funny that today the professor said ‘Remain silent and concentrate!’? She was sitting a couple of benches diagonally ahead of me but I feel I was listening to her heart beats loud and clear. Every time she smiled with those dimples, I felt that I was touching my guitar with a 700 watt amplifier. And I swear when she gets that expression (how do I write about it, wish I was a painter and can draw it all over the canvas but I am not. So I’ll just close my eyes and think of her) I almost heard waves coming to the shores at sunset. Gosh, can nobody hear that? Is my professor dumb? He says ‘concentrate’ and I was on the verge of a cardiac arrest if she had looked back with that smile. So I just covered my ears and closed my eyes hoping the guitars and the oceans would disappear.  

  12. June.2007 He asks me every day ‘ Do you love me’ . What should I say? Should I say that I love you eternally ? Or should I say that I love you unconditionally ? He asks me every day ‘How much do you love me’ . Should I say I that I am ready to leave every single thing I have known in my life for you? Or should I say that I have planned my days, my weeks, my months, and my years around you? I wish I could compare my love with the mountains and the snowfall , I wish I could reply with a poem or a line that’s new. I wish I could say that I am scared to lose you . I wish could say that I was born to be with you . But I choose to say ‘I do’ and smile, hoping that he can read just a part of it in my eyes.

Guy in black:  What’s your favorite food? Girl in red:  Noodles with a touch of cheese and flavored with mint. GB:  Just like your emotions. GR:  How come? GB:  Don’t know where and when it starts, every noodle spiraled with another one. You put the fork to lift one and end up messing up with something else. You try messing with many at a time and look stupid on the table in a restaurant. GR:   Stupid? GB:   Ya both with mouthful of noodles and crying girl on table, nobody asks you why it happened, all you get is an awkward look.

DD (something which Eminem said beautifully): I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that. 

Guy in black: What’s love for you? Girl in red: Washing Machine! Guy in black: What? Girl in red: It’s pretty much the same, people  go inside , and they spin, turn, twist, lose some color and get some from other clothing. Even if the two pieces are separated, after spin, the color remains forever. 

DD: Even the most gigantic, glittering things have a shadow behind, so try and accept people with their bads coz if you are looking for perfection, it simply ain't there.

Girl in Red and Guy in Black go out on shopping. Lots of stuff to buy. Walking on a street near beach with lots of shops around selling different things. Girl in Red stops at a small shop. GR : I want that bracelet. GB : Okay, try it. GR (to shop owner): How much for that one. Shop Owner : 10 dollars please. GB pays and she takes it and they start walking again on that street. GR: How does it look? GB: Looks great, but you took it without even trying. How did you know that it’ll fit and look good too? GR: Sweetheart for girls, shopping is like love, one look, one smile, one color, one touch, one expression and you know that he’s/it’s the one made for her.

The Girl in Red and the Guy in Black planning discussing marriages. GR: ‘ You may kiss the bride now  ’ is the most beautiful line. Don’t you think? GB: I think it’s sarcastic . GR: Hawww why? GB: Does Father think that we have never kissed? GR: Of course not. But he can’t say that na, ' you might have kissed but kiss again .' GB: Father plays ignorant then. GR: He says ‘Kiss the bride’ and from that moment I won’t be your girlfriend and that'll kind of first kiss between us.

Girl in red and Guy in black walking on the beach silently looking at sea waves coming and vanishing on shores as if it was the only thing that they have ever wanted. The sun going down as swiftly or as slowly and as happily or as sadly, as people standing on shores and looking at it. Guy in black stops and looks at horizon. Girl in Red: What happened? Guy in Black: When I was young, mum told me that god is a painter. Girl in Red: Haha. Do you still believe in it? GB: I am all colored. GR: Who colored you? GB: :) GR: Who god? Is it a good thing? GB: I don’t know, I was in shades of black and white some time back but there are all sorts of colors now. I asked to be colored. No wish denied there. GR: What colors he used? GB: Yours. GR: Mine? GB: I am all in your colors, lost myself a long time back. You are not my part rather I am yours. GR: So god colored you in my colors? GB: You colored me in your colors. GR: Does that mean that I am god? ...

My life is scattered in the pages of Facebook Like some spots of dried ink in my notebook A few pics here and a few updates there As I said scattered in the pages somewhere My Life is scattered in the pages of Facebook With a lot of pictures in the self click look Some posts remind me of the crushes I had Some random tags that say that I am not that bad My life is scattered in the pages of Facebook Struggling to locate the turns my life has ever took I find some comments from the people I don't know And some pics telling that how fast the kids grow My life is scattered through the pages of Facebook With bruises and medals of life's accounts book This is the only thing I have ever called mine It is my breath, my food, my sleep and my sunshine.

The girl in red entered elevator and guy in black entered just behind her. Doors closed. Girl in red : Which floor? Guy in black : To your floor GR :  Excuse me GB : What's your floor? GR : Not same as your floor. GB : So you know my floor? GR : Are we moving or doing this floor-floor whole day? GB : Don't know about you sweetheart but I love foreplay.... ooops floorplay